there speaks the bitter voice of one who does christian aid

Earlier I went to the shop for a couple of bits and noticed that the local paper's headline was BAKERY WIELDS OFF SAMURAI ATTACK, which I thought was pretty dramatic sounding, but not enough to buy a local paper. I mean, you know what my job is, right? Reading regionals is for trainees and the idiot day staff. It would be like Heston Blumenthal making a Pot Noodle - well that's probably stretching the analogy a bit, but the point is, I just didn't buy one. Then I went to the bakery next door-but-one, and they also had the local paper on the counter, which I thought was quite unusual for a bakery, until I remembered that the headline was BAKERY WIELDS OFF SAMURAI ATTACK, and yes indeed, a quick (expert) scan showed that the bakery in question was this very one. However no amount of Googling will bring up the story online, so I can only imagine it was a completely trumped up non-story intended to fill pages, in the style of The St Ives Times & Echo's MATTRESS SET ON FIRE, and the people in the bakery appear to be not too distressed by the event if they're proudly displaying the article.
Their apple slice is quite good, by the way.
Anyway, what the frick was going on with Skins last night? I immediately preceded it by watching last week's Skins, which was quite a sweet little story, so I was still in a cosy, warm 'aww' mood, and then this week's was like watching a horrific psychological thriller. Ye gods.
Oh it's Comic Relief day isn't it? In the spirit of 'comedy' then, I give you the best EVER local non-news story. (Read the comments.)

noodle doodles

I'm not the only one who does this, because my mother admitted to it too in a recent conversation, but how common is it to come off the phone and realise you've just 'doodled' half of what you've said? My doodles normally consist of my name, my phone number, my address and/or post code... Aren't doodles supposed to be one of those psychological indicators, and if so, what does this mean?

Anyway I have just had a dream (no I have not had a nap because I was bored, I have volunteered to work tonight (because I am bored)) in which I had just woken up and wanted to tell everyone about the dream I had just had. And then when my 'for real' alarm went off I was really confused because it had been at least forty minutes since I had got up, in the dream. It then took me a while to shake off the annoyance that hundreds of people were having a banquet in my house on the way to some live action role-playing meet, and they'd even opened both the bars, and I was damned if I was going to clean up after them. Aren't dreams supposed to be one of those psychological indicators, and if so, what does this mean?